Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Oblivious, Fortunate, and Confused
Indulge me as I relate a particular incident that I observed some time ago, and recorded; like a good anthropologist would. I wrote this from my notes, which may cause the tense in which I write to change between past and present.
At the moment at which I start my notes, there are three individuals in particular that I notice in the larger group that I was studying. The got my attention due to the apparent relationship between the three of them. Through luck, I know some history of the three individuals, and where applicable, I will mention what I know.
Currently, the girl, who is Oblivious (from which I derive her identifier), is displaying publicly her affection for her chosen potential mate, who I will call Fortunate. This display appears to be bothering the crap out of the third individual, a male whom I will identify as Confused; which identifier will become clearer as you progress in the account. Oblivious is the common factor between Fortunate and Confused, though it is very well likely Fortunate and Confused would become friends had they met independent of Oblivious.
Confused has been interested in Oblivious since their first encounter, which was several months previous to this incident. Fortunate has been the chosen potential mate of Oblivious for two to three months (depending on your source), and has known Oblivious for nearly twice as long as Confused; though he only became a viable candidate as a potential mate around the same time as Confused. Confused (I discovered once I interviewed him about the incident, after the fact) has not given up his hope that Oblivious may decide that Fortunate is no longer suitable as a potential mate, and go in search of a replacement. Confused hopes that, if this occurs, he can get in and win the attention of Oblivious, which would allow him to take the current spot of Fortunate. Fortunate, on the other hand, hopes that Oblivious will not choose to seek a new potential mate, and stay with him until she feels ready to bear offspring. At the current time, Confused has retreated to the social station of inferior male, and has only been able to associate with what Oblivious as non-sexually motivated interaction; which, he related to me, he is willing to do until his opportunity presents itself. I was able to have a few short conversations with Fortunate, but Oblivious would not comment on the situation.
From previous observations, and first hand accounts, Fortunate and Oblivious are still trying to understand if they see an actual partnership in their combined future; but are pursuing the possibility of such until they determine otherwise. Confused spends supposedly non-sexually motivated time with Oblivious on a regular basis; and both enjoy the others company. I have noted that Oblivious, and to an extent Confused as well, has become more friendly and increasingly flirtatious as they continue to get to know each other. This has become much more prevalent in the days leading up to this incident. Confused has said that he wishes not to interfere due to societal taboos against tampering with established relationships. But, he also mentioned that he occasionally will have trouble if a good opportunity to intercede on his own interest's behalf. Confused has also mentioned that the increase in flirtation by Oblivious, and her references to Fortunate, have created an attitude and feeling of confusion for Confused. Confused is unsure of whether Oblivious is really oblivious or not to the effect of her actions. From my limited opportunities of observation, my best guess is that Oblivious is only partially oblivious; but instead seems to be priming Confused as a back up should Fortunate prove inadequate, and is only oblivious to how effective her priming actually is.
At the time of this incident, Oblivious and Fortunate are displaying affection for each other in moderate amounts. Confused mentioned that he recalls that at this point that he reflected on the thought that, had circumstances leading up to this incident been slightly different, Fortunate's and Confused's positions would have been reversed. As I continue watching all three of them, as Fortunate and Oblivious continue their displays, Confused begins to show signs of illness, as the apparent jealously and angst build up inside, not unlike steam in a kettle. Confused, when later interviewed, stated that this was the most jealous that he had ever felt up to that point in is life. I note as I watch, that I seem to repeatedly catch Oblivious' glances (of which Fortunate mentioned he had no knowledge of) in the direction of Confused, as she and Fortunate cuddle and coo (which Fortunate concluded was most likely the reason for his lack of observations). It seems to me that Oblivious desires to gauge just what kind of reaction her antics produce among her confused (and rightly so) audience.
Oblivious' face seems to communicate a confusion of her own. Though she seems to be enjoying the attention and affection of Fortunate, her gazes at Confused have brought to light an unexpected realization. The growing look of illness and stifled longing that Confused attempts to keep from breaking the surface of his normally happy and congenial demeanor is having an unforeseen effect on her emotions.
At this point, the thought that full disclosure is the best way to keep anyone from getting hurt surfaces in my mind; the product of a anthropologist's worse enemies, conscience and human emotion. I feel the emotional tug of the situation of Confused and I can see the brewing chaos that could ensue among this unsuspecting trio. I want desperately to tell Oblivious (the obvious shot caller of this group) all that I know, from my little perch. I could let Oblivious know to what degree she is affecting Confused. I could extol Confused's virtues and redeeming qualities, on his behalf. Yet, at the same time, I could defend the preeminence of Fortunate's position compared to Confused's. Or, I could suggest to her that she should tell Fortunate and let him know of the Plan B. Or, suggest that she seriously consider both, and decide which she wants; since polyandry is not accepted in her culture. But, then I remind myself of the first rule of anthropological observation: DO NOT interfere or get involved. And if I were to talk to Oblivious, I would be breaking that rule.
I continue to watch the situation progress, as Fortunate continues to establish dominance and ownership of Oblivious' attention and affection. Fortunate later commented to me when Confused's situation was brought to his knowledge that had he known, he would have at the very least, been much more discreet with his public displays of affection, in order to not cause the hurt and pain to a fellow male; which is much to the credit of his character. Confused, apparently not wanting to subject himself to their displays, busies himself with a menial task. When necessity, or desire, compel him to focus his attention on Oblivious and Fortunate, he seems to direct his comments to Oblivious only; unless joking with Fortunate. This continues until the time comes for Oblivious and Fortunate to leave.
At this point, Confused begins to slowly recover from the ordeal. Yet, Confused still apparently feels burned. And, just like it's physical cousin, even after the initial burn occurs, the wound his pride and self image sustained by Oblivious' (and to a lesser degree Fortunate's) hand continues to smolder long after the hot iron she pressed to it is gone.
I have lost track of Confused, Oblivious, and Fortunate; having moved out of their ward at the end of that semester. Though I wish I had a resolution to this situation, I am positive that what ever the eventual outcome of this trio's social interactions was, the best solution for all was reached. It is also my hope that all involved felt fulfilled with the resolution.
Currently, the girl, who is Oblivious (from which I derive her identifier), is displaying publicly her affection for her chosen potential mate, who I will call Fortunate. This display appears to be bothering the crap out of the third individual, a male whom I will identify as Confused; which identifier will become clearer as you progress in the account. Oblivious is the common factor between Fortunate and Confused, though it is very well likely Fortunate and Confused would become friends had they met independent of Oblivious.
Confused has been interested in Oblivious since their first encounter, which was several months previous to this incident. Fortunate has been the chosen potential mate of Oblivious for two to three months (depending on your source), and has known Oblivious for nearly twice as long as Confused; though he only became a viable candidate as a potential mate around the same time as Confused. Confused (I discovered once I interviewed him about the incident, after the fact) has not given up his hope that Oblivious may decide that Fortunate is no longer suitable as a potential mate, and go in search of a replacement. Confused hopes that, if this occurs, he can get in and win the attention of Oblivious, which would allow him to take the current spot of Fortunate. Fortunate, on the other hand, hopes that Oblivious will not choose to seek a new potential mate, and stay with him until she feels ready to bear offspring. At the current time, Confused has retreated to the social station of inferior male, and has only been able to associate with what Oblivious as non-sexually motivated interaction; which, he related to me, he is willing to do until his opportunity presents itself. I was able to have a few short conversations with Fortunate, but Oblivious would not comment on the situation.
From previous observations, and first hand accounts, Fortunate and Oblivious are still trying to understand if they see an actual partnership in their combined future; but are pursuing the possibility of such until they determine otherwise. Confused spends supposedly non-sexually motivated time with Oblivious on a regular basis; and both enjoy the others company. I have noted that Oblivious, and to an extent Confused as well, has become more friendly and increasingly flirtatious as they continue to get to know each other. This has become much more prevalent in the days leading up to this incident. Confused has said that he wishes not to interfere due to societal taboos against tampering with established relationships. But, he also mentioned that he occasionally will have trouble if a good opportunity to intercede on his own interest's behalf. Confused has also mentioned that the increase in flirtation by Oblivious, and her references to Fortunate, have created an attitude and feeling of confusion for Confused. Confused is unsure of whether Oblivious is really oblivious or not to the effect of her actions. From my limited opportunities of observation, my best guess is that Oblivious is only partially oblivious; but instead seems to be priming Confused as a back up should Fortunate prove inadequate, and is only oblivious to how effective her priming actually is.
At the time of this incident, Oblivious and Fortunate are displaying affection for each other in moderate amounts. Confused mentioned that he recalls that at this point that he reflected on the thought that, had circumstances leading up to this incident been slightly different, Fortunate's and Confused's positions would have been reversed. As I continue watching all three of them, as Fortunate and Oblivious continue their displays, Confused begins to show signs of illness, as the apparent jealously and angst build up inside, not unlike steam in a kettle. Confused, when later interviewed, stated that this was the most jealous that he had ever felt up to that point in is life. I note as I watch, that I seem to repeatedly catch Oblivious' glances (of which Fortunate mentioned he had no knowledge of) in the direction of Confused, as she and Fortunate cuddle and coo (which Fortunate concluded was most likely the reason for his lack of observations). It seems to me that Oblivious desires to gauge just what kind of reaction her antics produce among her confused (and rightly so) audience.
Oblivious' face seems to communicate a confusion of her own. Though she seems to be enjoying the attention and affection of Fortunate, her gazes at Confused have brought to light an unexpected realization. The growing look of illness and stifled longing that Confused attempts to keep from breaking the surface of his normally happy and congenial demeanor is having an unforeseen effect on her emotions.
At this point, the thought that full disclosure is the best way to keep anyone from getting hurt surfaces in my mind; the product of a anthropologist's worse enemies, conscience and human emotion. I feel the emotional tug of the situation of Confused and I can see the brewing chaos that could ensue among this unsuspecting trio. I want desperately to tell Oblivious (the obvious shot caller of this group) all that I know, from my little perch. I could let Oblivious know to what degree she is affecting Confused. I could extol Confused's virtues and redeeming qualities, on his behalf. Yet, at the same time, I could defend the preeminence of Fortunate's position compared to Confused's. Or, I could suggest to her that she should tell Fortunate and let him know of the Plan B. Or, suggest that she seriously consider both, and decide which she wants; since polyandry is not accepted in her culture. But, then I remind myself of the first rule of anthropological observation: DO NOT interfere or get involved. And if I were to talk to Oblivious, I would be breaking that rule.
I continue to watch the situation progress, as Fortunate continues to establish dominance and ownership of Oblivious' attention and affection. Fortunate later commented to me when Confused's situation was brought to his knowledge that had he known, he would have at the very least, been much more discreet with his public displays of affection, in order to not cause the hurt and pain to a fellow male; which is much to the credit of his character. Confused, apparently not wanting to subject himself to their displays, busies himself with a menial task. When necessity, or desire, compel him to focus his attention on Oblivious and Fortunate, he seems to direct his comments to Oblivious only; unless joking with Fortunate. This continues until the time comes for Oblivious and Fortunate to leave.
At this point, Confused begins to slowly recover from the ordeal. Yet, Confused still apparently feels burned. And, just like it's physical cousin, even after the initial burn occurs, the wound his pride and self image sustained by Oblivious' (and to a lesser degree Fortunate's) hand continues to smolder long after the hot iron she pressed to it is gone.
I have lost track of Confused, Oblivious, and Fortunate; having moved out of their ward at the end of that semester. Though I wish I had a resolution to this situation, I am positive that what ever the eventual outcome of this trio's social interactions was, the best solution for all was reached. It is also my hope that all involved felt fulfilled with the resolution.
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